Ninth Entry - Conversation with the Emperor,
Part 1: My Freedom

Five days later, the emperor arrived in Moesia. The trumpets heralding the approaching imperial procession took Maximus by surprise and he barely had time to organize both the legion and his own men to properly greet Caesar before the golden eagles and purple banners appeared at the gates. Shortly after, the Divine Imperator Caesar Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Augustus came into the camp, got off his horse and headed directly for Maximus, who dropped to one knee in respect. But the emperor hauled him to his feet and wrapped him in a tight hug in front of fifteen thousand cheering soldiers. From my place, hidden behind the flap of Marcellus' tent, I saw the two men exchanging muted words. Then, the emperor stepped back and grasped Maximus' hand, raising it high in the air in a show of solidarity. The cheers were deafening. At the magnificent sight of the general being honored by both his emperor and his army, my heart swelled painfully.

It was the first time I'd seen Maximus since I woke up from my vivid dream to find him gone. In the following five days he neither came to the tent nor I left it, although he sent Gallienus -- who was acting as his legate -- at least twice a day to inquire about my health or if I needed something. He also sent Rufa to keep me company and take care of my needs while I remained in the isolation that prevented our charade to be discovered before the emperor arrived with reinforcements. I spent most of the time lying on the couch, my eyes fixed on a canvas wall, a wall whose emptiness perfectly mirrored my own. On my orders and despite the summer heat, the flap of the tent remained closed all day, barring the light. In the evenings, Rufa lit several oil lamps but their light was not enough to dispel a gloom that had nothing to do with shadows and darkness and all to do with heartbreak and desperation. The food she brought me remained untouched on the small table near the couch. The same happened with the tunics she displayed for me on the chairs. Rufa remained sitting in the shadows for hours, her round eyes fixed on me and now and then, without being ordered, she took a brush and patiently untangled my waist-long hair. She also brought me warm, scented water and helped me wash. In another situation I'd had been moved by her childish show of concern for a woman who was no less a servant than her but my mind and my heart were so numbed by pain that there was no room in them for anything but my own grief and I simply let her do while I followed her motions mechanically.

During the day I drifted in and out of sleep, waking up only to be once again painfully aware that Maximus was not there, that Maximus would not come. It was curious that, although I had lived for more than a year at a legion's camp, I had never noticed what a lively and noisy place it was. But in those five days, lying on the couch, looking at the canvas wall, drifting in and out of sleep, I took notice of the passing time only through the noises. Despite the darkness, I could distinguish mid-morning from noon and early afternoon from early evening simply listening to the voices of the soldiers, the clatter of plates or the whinnying of the horses.

After the evening meal, the camp became more and more quiet, till silence overcame it completely and the only sounds where those of the insects, the rustle of the wind and the booted footsteps of the guards on shift. It was in those moments, when shadows and silence blanketed the camp, that I got up from the couch and walked to the entrance of the tent, opened the flap and looked outside, across the praetorium, to Maximus' tent, where night after night the lamps remained lit till late. I remained there for hours, intently watching at his tent and sometimes my vigil was rewarded by a glimpse of his shadow. I wondered what was he doing, what was he thinking, what kept him awake so late in the night ... I ached to cross the praetorium, to go to him, to take him in my arms and offer him whatever comfort I could. Yet I didn't move for I knew that he would reject me and I that wouldn't -- couldn't -- survive his rejection again. And I also knew that if I succeeded in arousing him enough to make him lose his iron control and take me, he'd be lost to me forever because in the aftermath of passion he'd come to hate both me and himself. So I remained rooted in my place and when the lights went off in his tent I silently returned to the couch for another lonely, sleepless night.

The commotion created by the arrival of the emperor kept the camp up later than usual. Curiously, the praetorium, where Marcus Aurelius and Maximus lodged, remained a quiet place because the two men had not engaged in a celebration of their success to prevent Cassius seizing the throne but in a private meeting, surely to discuss matters of state. Shortly after Marcus Aurelius' arrival I had seen he and Maximus walking together while they talked, the tall, thin, long haired emperor's hand on the young, strapping, slightly shorter general's arm and I had been moved by the intimacy of the scene. For seeing them together it was obvious that they were a lot more than an emperor and his loyal, trusted commander: the whims of fate had made more father and son of a Roman patrician become emperor and a Spaniard farmer become general, than of many a man and his sire.

I spied the imperial tent for a long time as Maximus' meeting with Marcus Aurelius went on for hours. It was late when I finally saw Maximus leave and enter his own. His steps were more lively that they had been since he had come seeking refuge at the slaves' quarters, as if a great weight had been taken from his broad shoulders. That night, the lamps in his tent went off shortly after he got inside and the praetorium fell into darkness.

Feeling restless, instead of going back to the couch I walked around Marcellus' tent. The emperor had arrived, the danger was over and, according to Maximus, Marcus Aurelius would make me and the other women free. The morning loomed ahead promising both news and menace. Would Marcus Aurelius really free us? His mission fulfilled, what would Maximus do next? Go back to his own legion, wherever it was? Remain in Moesia with the emperor? What would happen with me?

My musings were interrupted by the unceremonious entrance of two praetorians. I flinched at the sight of their black uniforms, the view of the imperial guards always unsettling. Rufa was sleeping in a cot at the back of the tent and awoke to the sound of their footsteps and clanging swords, a familiar look of fear in her ebony face. Before I could go to her and quiet her, one of the guards spoke in a booming yet educated voice. "Lady," he said. "You are to come with us. The emperor has requested your presence."
Lady? Me? The emperor required my presence? What did he knew about me? What did he want from me? Had Maximus told him about our special servitude and Caesar wanted a sample of what his general had refused? Marcus Aurelius had never been famous for his appetites but for his thirst of knowledge. I felt completely at a loss.
All Roman soldiers -- be they legionnaires, praetorians or simple auxiliary -- master the art of marching people where they want them to march even without touching them. It's a matter of attitude, probably rooted in the fact that generation after generation of Roman soldiers have known either a glorious death or a glorious retirement, defeat unknown to the emperors' armies for over a century. These praetorians were no exception and before I could react I found myself walking across the gravel covered yard of the praetorium and heading for the imperial tent.

Gently but firmly, the guards directed me to an anteroom where a group of servants busied themselves with preparations for the night. Another praetorian was there, an officer, who took me from the guards and gestured me to follow him inside the imperial alcove. Despite that it was not the tent that the imperial train carried everywhere, but Cassius' tent quickly refurbished to offer Caesar adequate lodgings, it was hard to believe that shortly before it had been a completely different place. Silk hangings, carpets, comfortable chairs and couches, chests, tables, an ornate bed and desk occupied the place of Cassius' belongings.

And although his had been tasteful and expensive, Marcus Aurelius' were simply regal. The room was scarcely lit, shadows pooling at the corners and it seemed to be empty. But the praetorian officer respectfully pressed his right grip to his chest and talked to the shadows. "The woman is here, Sire".

A rustling sound attracted my attention to the far end of the tent. "Leave us," said a low, throaty voice. The praetorian saluted again, turned on his heels and left the room, leaving me alone with the invisible imperial presence.

Marcus Aurelius emerged from the shadows, a tall, thin, bearded man, with long, flowing, gray hair. He was dressed in a lavish purple robe profusely ornamented with gold. His face was that of a man who had not spent his reign indoors softening in the imperial palace but traveling along and across his vast empire and warring when necessary. He looked older than his age and, like Maximus, showed the lines put in his features by years of worries and responsibilities. And, like Maximus', those lines did not mar his handsomeness but enhanced it, the proud decorations of a man who was man enough to accept his heavy duties.

All my life I had been familiar with power and riches. Cassius had been not only a wealthy man but a powerful general, a man used to his own power and to using it. Maximus exhuded power. His had nothing to do with riches or rank, although he was the commander of an enormous army and the emperor's favorite general. His power came from inside him, was as primal as the forces of nature and had a lot to do with his uncompromising masculinity.
But Marcus Aurelius' power was something completely different. It seemed to surround him like a golden halo, something simultaneously untouchable and palpable. Something that demanded recognition and homage.
He was simply, purely, an emperor.
I fell on my knees.
"Rise, child. Rise," chuckled Caesar while he gently touched my shoulder with a dry, warm hand.
Slowly, reverently I raised my eyes and found myself looking into Marcus Aurelius' merry blue eyes.
"Rise," he repeated and I stood, feeling awkward and shy, as inadequate in the imperial persona's presence as it is possible to feel.
The emperor smiled. "Come, sit down," he said, gesturing to a couple of chairs.
I hesitated, my head bowed in awe and fear, my long red-gold hair falling like a curtain over my face. The emperor sat on one of the chairs, then gestured again for me to take the other. I obeyed, keeping my eyes in my lap.
"Child, look at me".
Shyly I raised my eyes and looked at his handsome, aged face.
"That's better," he said. "I like people to look into my eyes when I talk to them. And we need to talk, you and I ..." His long hair and beard were more white than gray and he looked tired but his eyes kept the fire of youth. His were the eyes of a man used to reading both books and men with the same ease and accuracy.
"Your name is Julia, isn't it?"
"Yes, Sire," I mumbled.
"General Maximus told me about you, Julia. He told me everything."
Everything? What did the emperor mean? That Maximus had told him that I was one of Cassius' personal whores? Or that I was a slave who had committed the unspeakable crime of murdering her master?
Marcus Aurelius smiled and patted my hand.
"Yes, Julia. He told me everything. And you have nothing to fear. It will be our little secret. A secret between the three of us."
He patted my hand again, gently smiling at me. I gulped and forced myself to go on looking into his eyes.
"Well, to tell the truth, General Maximus did not tell me everything about you, Julia," went on the emperor. "He failed to mention that you were so beautiful. He said that you were smart and brave and that you did not hesitate to help him, although by doing this you put yourself in mortal danger." Marcus Aurelius cocked his head and looked at me quizzically for a long moment.

As I said, I had always been praised for my beauty and had seen its effect on men so frequently that it barely registered anymore. Yet, after seeing it on Maximus, it somehow hurt to know that he had refused to acknowledge it. It hurt badly.
The emperor smiled again. "I know the general is not a ladies' man but I doubt he failed to notice a beauty like yours," he added as if he had read my thoughts. As I said, he was a man used to read the others easily and accurately.

I was feeling more and more uncomfortable. What was Marcus Aurelius after? I couldn't avoid thinking about the elderly senator. Although he looked younger than him, he had been about the emperor's age and also had praised me ... Caesar must have noticed my distress for he changed the subject.
"Julia, General Maximus also told me about what Cassius did to you and the other women."
Despite the emperor's wish that I look at his eyes, his mention of my degradation was more than I could endure and lowered my gaze to my lap.
"As Caesar, I am supposed not to question Rome and its ways because I am Rome and all it means," he said, then he waved his hand as if to push away those pompous notions about himself and the might of Rome. "As Caesar, I am also not supposed to talk freely but when I talk to the gods. Yet, I find it odd talking to pieces of marble no matter how beautiful they are and instead I find great pleasure in talking to certain people, like General Maximus." The emperor remained silent for a moment, then went on. "Julia, this conversation is supposed to have never taken place so I will talk freely to you and we will keep it our little secret. Not even General Maximus must know about it."
I raised my head and looked again at his handsome, aged face. He was not the remote idol you could imagine an emperor to be but a tired, gentle, thoughtful man sitting in the meager light in a tent near the Black Sea. Yet, he was the emperor of Rome and thus the center of the world. But it was obvious that he preferred to be simply a man. I felt my heart warm as I started to understand why Maximus loved him so much. And why Marcus Aurelius so loved Maximus.

"Julia, as Caesar I have power of life and death over every person living in the empire. I also own many slaves, thousands of them to tell the truth. But you must know that the mere idea of slavery bothers me as much as the games so enjoyed by both the mob and the high classes." He laughed dryly. "I wonder what would the senators say if they knew the Roman emperor despises
Roman institutions like slavery and games."
"I don't know, Sire."
Only when Marcus Aurelius smiled did I notice that I had given voice to my words. I blushed furiously.
The emperor pinched the top of his nose and went on. "Be sure that I know what they'd think and I also know what they'd do," he chuckled. "Sadly, slavery is so entrenched in Roman society that the empire would collapse both financially and socially without it. But that is not an excuse to do things like what General Avidius Cassius did to you and the other women. As the Roman emperor, it's my fault that it happened because I should be able to prevent my subjects from committing such abuse."
Marcus Aurelius sighed heavily.
"According to Roman law, I am now your owner for Avidius Cassius died a traitor and his estate and riches are to be confiscated." Caesar turned to a table standing by his right and took a sealed scroll from it. Then, he offered it to me, "This is yours, child." I hesitated and Caesar encouraged me."Take it, Julia. Open it and read it."
My hands shook badly as I took the scroll and I failed twice while trying to break the seal. When I unrolled it, words elegantly written in black ink danced before my eyes. I looked dumbly at them, then turned my bewildered eyes to the emperor.

A look of concern appeared in Marcus Aurelius' aged features.
"Can you read, Julia?" he asked softly. I felt myself blush again, somehow admitting my illiteracy even more embarrassing that admitting my degradation. "A little, Sire," I mumbled.
"I'm sorry, child. I have a tendency to forget that not everybody in Rome has options or a good life," he said with a tone of genuine sorrow as he shook his head. "I suppose it's proof that I'm getting old ... and that I'm not such a good emperor as I fancy myself to be." I remained silent, my eyes fixed on him. He sighed again and when he talked his throaty voice was gentle and soothing. "As your emperor and your master, I have the right to make you a free woman and this is what you are to be from this moment on," said Marcus Aurelius. "As I am pressed with time, I will dispense with the formalities and ceremony of the manumission for what counts is the document you have in your hands. You are free, Julia. Free to go where you want to go, to marry whomever you want among those men allowed by Roman law to marry a freedwoman. You are free to do as you please and not as ordered. And, more important, your children will be born free and Roman citizens."

I was dumbstruck. Free. A freedwoman. Free to go wherever I wanted. To do as I pleased. To marry ... Maximus had promised me my freedom but somehow I had not believed it would happen. Like a captive animal used to being cruelly taunted and denied, I had refused to believe freedom was possible. And now, the document I held in my hands, the document I could barely read and definitively not understand proclaimed to the world that I, Julia, was no more a slave and a whore but a freedwoman ... whatever it was that it meant.
"Th-thank you, Sire," I stammered, too overwhelmed to do more. Marcus Aurelius patted my hand again.
"How many other women are there at the slaves' quarters?"
"Fourteen, Sire, me included."
Marcus Aurelius shuddered at the size of Cassius' private brothel. "General Maximus requested that they'd be freed and they will be. I have put a quaestor in charge and he will do all that's necessary. I understand there are also some lesser slaves who act as your maids, am I right?"
"Yes, Sire. They are very young, some of them no more than ten or twelve."
"They are too young to be freed and left by themselves. These girls will remain at my service till they are placed at my relatives' households." I frowned and Marcus Aurelius cocked his head and looked at me. "It doesn't please you, Julia?"
Startled, I swallowed hard. I had just been freed and my first act as a freedwoman had been daring to show disagreement with the emperor of Rome. Yet, instead of being angry, the man was giving me a clue to voice my reasons for such disagreement.
"Y-yes, Sire. But ..." I stopped and Marcus Aurelius encouraged me with a nod to go on talking. I breathed deeply. "There's a little girl, Sire. Her name is Rufa. She's Numidian, I think, barely ten years old. She ... she's very shy and she's so scared ... she seems to have suffered a lot at the hands of the slave traders ... I ... she's been my personal maid since General Cassius bought her ..."
"Do you want me to give her to you, Julia? It can easily be arranged".
I shook my head. "No, Sire. I ... thank you, Sire, but I will never own a slave. I can't own a slave ... it's just that she's so shy and ... she has difficulties understanding and speaking our language. I'm afraid her new masters may not be patient ..."
Marcus Aurelius nodded, then he got his head close to mine and lowered his voice like a conspirator. "I'll tell you what I'll do, Julia. I will place her with my daughter, the Lady Lucilla. She has a big household but is always in need of more help. I'm sure she can employ the girl taking care of her wardrobe or perhaps helping with her little son. My daughter will be a good mistress for her. Is it alright for you?"
Scalding tears blurred my sight and I fought them furiously while I nodded my agreement and thanks to the powerful and compassionate man sitting in front of me.
"So, this is settled," said the emperor. "Now, lets talk about the other girls. General Maximus told me that Cassius bragged about having other slaves like you somewhere in Rome. What do you know about them?"
"They are in a villa near Rome, Sire. This is ... this is where I was born and grew up." I hesitated and Marcus Aurelius encouraged me to continue. "This is where Cassius ... bred... and trained us ..."
The emperor shuddered in obvious revulsion.
"Some of the girls are very young, Sire. They are being trained to replace the older ones when they are no longer attractive ..." It was my turn to shudder at the mere thought of the fate that had awaited me merely days ago. I breathed deeply and went on. "There are also others who ... who have been retired ... they are there to ... to breed, Sire. General Cassius used handsome and strong slaves and also rented gladiators to get them pregnant. Some of them may be pregnant by now."
"Am I right if I suppose that Cassius was only interested in female babies?"
"Yes, Sire."
"And what happened when male babies were born?"
I thought about Eugenia and I felt a dull ache in my heart.
"I don't know, Sire. They ... they simply disappeared."
Marcus Aurelius raised a hand to stop me. Then closed his eyes and rubbed them warily, his gesture so like Maximus' that I felt my heart swell and had to restrain myself from taking his hand and try to comfort him. With a sigh, he opened his eyes again.
"Julia, you will give all the necessary information to the quaestor in charge of freeing your friends and he will also take care of these girls, then inform me personally. His name is Cornelius Crassus and is one of my most trusted men in Rome. Be sure he will do whatever is necessary."
"Thank you, Sire," I said humbly, once more overwhelmed by the emperor's goodness and compassion.
Marcus Aurelius stood up. Respect for the imperial persona demanded that I stand too but Caesar gestured me to remain seated. He walked around the tent as a man who despite being obviously tired cannot remain quiet for long. Then, he came back to stand in front of me.
"Julia, freedom is the most precious thing a man or woman will ever have or loose. But for a former slave, freedom is not enough to start a new life. General Maximus and I agreed about it and everyone of Cassius' slaves but you will receive five thousand sesterces upon their arrival in Rome so they will be able to start a new ... It's more than enough for a simple but comfortable life." He shook his head and added, as if talking to himself, "I don't like the idea of freeing those women only to have them selling their bodies in the streets of Rome. The gods know there are enough unfortunate girls doing this for a living."
Caesar turned to the table and took a second scroll.
"As for you, I have no doubts that you are smart and strong enough not to have to resort to something like this. And I also know that you took tremendous risks to help General Maximus."

The emperor's voice warmed when he mentioned Maximus' name. It was obvious that the old man dearly loved the Spaniard farmer's son who had become to be his most trusted general. I couldn't help but think that it was curious that two people as different as he and I could have that in common. For he was the most powerful man in the world and I but an eighteen-year-old girl who had been but a slave all her life yet we both loved the same, remarkable man.
Marcus Aurelius' throaty voice brought me back from my musings. "Julia, a slave is expected to be loyal to his or her master and serve him or her well. But no slave is expected to take part in a mission to free Rome from an usurper. It's beyond any slave's duty and a duty reserved for privileged citizens, like senators and high ranking army officers like General Maximus, men who have been honored by Rome. Yet, despite being only a slave, you didn't hesitate and helped General Maximus to fulfill his duty to Rome and thanks to your help, he prevented a bloody civil war. If not for you and him, we wouldn't be here talking but on different sides while Romans killed Romans."
Caesar rolled the scroll in his hands while he talked.

"There are not many men in Rome courageous enough to do what you did, Julia. Rome gave you nothing but submission and humiliation yet you were there when the empire was in desperate need of help. This will not remain unrewarded. Upon your arrival in Rome, you will receive twenty five thousand sesterces as a reward for your selfless service. Cornelius Crassus will take you to one of my bankers and you will give him this sealed letter. The man will do the necessary arrangements and help you establish in the city and start a new life. You can trust him completely for he will know that you are under my personal protection."

Twenty five thousand sesterces? Even if I was used to managing some money while running the slaves' quarters it was always small sums as our supplies were charged by Cassius to the legion's budget. I didn't even have an idea how much more money I was being given than the other women but the emperor's tone implied that it was a lot. Before I could talk, Caesar raised his hand to stop me.
"Julia, it's getting late. I'm tired and a little drunk," he smiled faintly and, like Maximus' his smile made him look a lot more younger and careless. For a brief moment, I was able to see the handsome, vibrant, young man he had been not so long ago. The handsome, vibrant, young man who still lived inside the aged, tired emperor.
Caesar sat down again, not on his chair but on the couch across from mine. "I have something more to tell you, something that's very, very important," he said as he reclined on the cushions. "In the morning I'm sending one of the legions back to Rome and you and the other women will travel under its protection. Cornelius Crassus will go with you and take care of everything."

I felt as if I had been viciously hit. Rome? Caesar was sending us to Rome under the protection of a legion? Which legion? It couldn't be Maximus' for he had come to Moesia escorted only by Felix III's cavalry ... I didn't want to go to Rome! I couldn't go to Rome! I only wanted to remain where Maximus was .... even if he refused to have me.
The emperor went on talking, the flickering light of the oil lamps haloing his long white hair and making shadows dance over his patrician, bearded face.
"As I said, Julia, you have rendered a great service to Rome and will be properly rewarded. But you have rendered me an even greater service and for this I'll be forever thankful yet I will never be able to repay you, no matter how much gold I give you ..."

Startled, I turned my attention to Marcus Aurelius. What was the emperor talking about?